Separation Anxiety

Homeopathy is a natural and effective solution for separation anxiety in babies and children.

At around six to eight months of age, separation anxiety starts to kick in and often continues in some form until a child is well over five years old. If you are not there your baby may think that you have gone forever. Your baby is not being “needy” or “clingy”. Babies are genetically programmed to be hypersensitive to separation. This is biologically necessary because in prehistoric times it was very dangerous for an infant to be away from her parents and they needed to cry to let their parents know where they were so they could survive.

Young mammals (animals and humans) cling to a secure adult whenever they feel unsafe. If your child clings to you, she is trying to bring down her high levels of stress hormones and activate the nice brain chemicals that produce feelings of well-being.

Studies have shown that by the end of the first year, mothers who had attended promptly to their crying babies had children who cried much less than those whose mothers had left them to cry. Although some people think that a child becomes clingy because she has been cuddled or loved too much, or “spoilt” by attention, there is no evidence that supports the theory that separation anxiety is a result of excessive parental affection or attention.

According to Margot Sunderland in her book The Science of Parenting, there can be long-term affects if a child is forced to become more independent before they are ready. When a child experiences panic there is a dramatic rise in stress chemicals in the brain. This can adversely affect key systems in the brain and body leading to a vulnerability to depression, anxiety disorders, and other physical and mental illness in later life.

When you consider the science and the research, should you leave your child to have a well-deserved break or go to work?

Of course you can but it is important to leave your child with an emotionally responsive, warm adult. Someone who will give your child the same attention when they are playing happily as they would if your child was upset. If your child is still crying when you leave, hand her to the carer for a nice cuddle as this will help to activate some good hormones.

What should you do if your child clings to you at daycare or kindy?

Avoid a quick getaway when your child is screaming for you to stay. Rushing off will only make matters worse by sending your child’s stress chemicals into over-drive.

• Try to have quality time with your child before you leave. Hold them really close. This will activate oxytocin and make her feel calmer.
• Show your child the sandpit or other activity and encourage them to start exploring. Take time to introduce your child to another child.
• Make an arrangement with a warm, kind teacher who your child knows and who is happy to pick her up and give her a cuddle and uses distraction. Then leave quietly knowing that a cuddle with this person will activate some calming chemicals in her brain.
• If your child is repeatedly stressed when you leave, give them something to remind them of you, such as a scarf that you have worn, a photo or a loving message on a tape recorder so your child can hear your voice whenever they need to.

Will this separation anxiety ever end?

Parents often worry that their child’s crying whenever they leave will never end. But do you know many teenagers who become upset when they find out their parents are going out for dinner? This is something that gets better with age. As your child grows up the separation distress system in the brain become less sensitive as increases in testosterone and oestrogen suppress this system in the brain.

Some children whose clinging has not met with an emotionally responsive reaction can move into a false independence especially if they have been criticised for being upset or told that ‘big boys don’t cry”. As a way of dealing with the emotional pain, some children take a “I don’t need my mum” stance, and become emotionally numb to attachment needs. This can lead to behavioural problems and a fear of emotional intimacy as an adult.

Just remember that when children feel safe in the world, they will turn to it naturally.

Homeopathy to the rescue

Homeopathy has a proven track record in calming down the separation anxiety response and even dealing with any adverse effects caused by separation trauma.

Recently, I treated 3 year old Chloe who was about to start kindy two days a week. Her mother was worried because Chloe would always become upset if she left her with anyone. They had just moved to Brisbane and Chloe would know none of the children at her new kindy. I prescribed a common homeopathic remedy for separation anxiety which she was able to start before her first day at kindy. Her mother was amazed. On the first day at kindy, Chloe started exploring and playing and happily said goodbye to her mum. What a wonderful way to start kindy.

In Summary

So when you have a clinging child, remember that you are making an investment for her long-term mental health if you respond with empathy and comfort. All the oxytocin that is activated from physical affection will have an anti-stress effect for your child. Studies have shown that when babies receive comfort, they grow in adults who are better able to handle stress, are less fearful and are well-adjusted psychologically.

When separation anxiety is excessive or is affecting life in general it is worth making an appointment with a registered homeopath as homeopathy is very effective in calming down the stress response that can cause separation anxiety and dealing with any adverse effects caused by separation trauma.