Tantrums

Tantrums seem to be a normal fact of toddler life. They can be especially embarrassing as a parent when they happen in public. Tantrums can start as early as 12 to 18 months when toddlers are learning to be more independent. They are really common among two year olds (the terrible twos) but if they are managed well they can occur less often in three to four year olds. Helping your child to learn other ways to solve problems will help your child to grow out of tantrums.

What are tantrums?

A tantrum is often expressed with crying, screaming, yelling, stamping feet, rolling around on the floor. Some toddlers will even hold their breath.

Why do they happen?

Most of the time tantrums are caused by a child’s inability to express or control emotions. They can also be caused by our demands and other external influences. You may have already noticed that tiredness, hunger and frustration can cause a toddler meltdown.

Toddlers often get frustrated and are likely to throw a tantrum when:

• They are overtired
• They are told “no”
• They are hungry or thirsty
• They don’t get what they expect
• They do not know the words to say to express themselves
• They are unable to manage a task

Sometimes tantrums can be caused by an underlying health issue such as teething, tummy pains, allergies, sleep apnea etc.

Preventing Tantrums

Once you are able to understand what causes a tantrum you can then make changes to lessen the chance of your toddler having a meltdown at the shopping centre.

Try to avoid letting your toddler get tired, hungry, bored or frustrated by:

• Having a regular day nap and bedtime
• Feeding them frequently with healthy snacks
• Be aware that foods containing preservatives or artificial colours may contribute to tantrums
• Giving them toys and games suitable for their age and ability
• Warning your child before changing activities to allow them time to get used to the idea
• Being prepared. If you have a busy day planned bring along snacks, toys, books to keep your toddler occupied
• Be considerate when you have a busy day. If you are going to be running around all day plan a stop at the park.
• Help your child to learn new skills before asking him to do them on his own (pouring a drink, getting dressed, doing a puzzle).
• Have realistic expectations
• Keep things predictable as much as possible.

Some of the above suggestions may even prevent some adults from having a meltdown!

Some tips for managing tantrums

• Offer choices:  Allow your child to have more say in his life by offering a couple of options to choose from.
• Eye to eye contact:  This will catch his full attention rather than speaking to him from above.
• Validate your child’s feelings:  Help your child identify the emotion they are feeling “you’re sad that we can’t go to the park”.  Sometimes just letting her know you understand is enough to help her calm down.
• Let the tantrum happen:  If your child doesn’t calm down with gentle efforts then it is okay to let the tantrum just happen. Sometimes a child needs to release his emotions.
• Create a peaceful room for tantrums:  Create a nice area where your child can go if he has a tantrum that will help him to calm down. Leave some cuddly toys, a pillow, a blanket, a CD player with calming music.
• Don’t say no, teach instead: Try to avoid saying no and teach your child what is acceptable behaviour. Instead of “no, don’t touch that” say ‘we need to ask permission before touching something that does not belong to us”.
• Distract and involve:  Children can be easily distracted when a new or more interesting activity is suggested. If they are wingeing at the shops, ask them to find some bananas for you.
• Inspire some imagination:  If your child is upset because she is not getting her own way, make up a story of what she wishes could happen “I bet you wish you could have every single toy in this shop!”
• Prevention:  Talk to your child about how to behave before leaving home “we are going to visit granddad at the hospital today, you will need to use your quiet voice and stay with me because there are sick people at the hospital who need to rest so they can get better”.
• Humour:  Children can have a tantrum over the most trivial issue like having their toast cut in the wrong shape. You don’t have to take it seriously, try distracting them with a funny face, song or dance.
• Stop public tantrums:  Sometimes our own embarrassment about what other people might think means we will do anything to stop a tantrum from happening in public. This can set up a pattern for future trips to the shop. If tantrums are a regular occurrence in public then plan a training session. If they have a tantrum, drop everything and let your child know that you both have to go home because they are having a tantrum.
• Don’t hold a grudge – when its over its over:  After a tantrum you don’t have to teach them a lesson by withholding your approval, love or company. They need to know that it is okay to express their emotions in an appropriate way.
• Praise: Praise your child whenever they do something well no matter how minor it is!

How homeopathy can help when everything else is not working

If the above suggestions for preventing and managing tantrums are not helping or you are becoming tired of dealing with tantrums you might like to consider homeopathic treatment with a registered homeopath.

Homeopathy works on the whole child because the medicine is designed to strengthen the immune system and bring the body into balance. This means that more than one problem can be addressed at the same time. If a toddler with tantrums is being treated with homeopathy we would expect the tantrums to get better and as an added bonus his sleeping and eating will improve and his fear of the dark will disappear.

Kylie decided to try homeopathy for her 3 year old son who was having major tantrums and it was difficult for her to take him out in public because of his behaviour. After going through his whole health history with the homeopath a medicine was prescribed (only one medicine is given to address the majority of symptoms). After two weeks the tantrums were much less and his behaviour was calmer. He started sleeping through the night and was less restless. After six weeks, things started to relapse so a higher dose was given and the tantrums were 99% improved. A year later he is a normal happy boy who has the occasional tantrum as most 4 year olds do but they settle quickly and are easier to manage.

Children also love the medicine because it tastes like water. They seem to know that it is good for them because they will often ask for another dose!